Gender Confusion
by FablerPhoenix
Summary: Nami makes a serious mistake .or not?. and Luffy pays the price! A bounty hunter is after him and they escape, however, that's not where the troubles end... will Luffy's crew, and thus his life fall apart? Yaoi, yuri, and hentai inside eventually SaNaZoxL
1. Chapter 1 a

Alright, so I got this really crazy and sick idea, this fanfiction is going to have some really nasty parts. This isn't supposed to be anything interesting, just something to do with my spare time... bear with me and read if you will. Please do. I love attention.

**WARNINGS:** This part is boring! If you wanna skip it be my guest cause I'll write a summary at the beginning of the next chapter!

I intend to include mature ideas, nothing explicit 'cause it's not aloud, but there will be yaoi yuri and hentai, ARR!

**Disclaimer:** I own only ideas, the characters, their designs, personalities, those belong to super-cool-awesome-aniki Eiichiro Oda sensei! They are from the animated series One Piece... if you don't know that much don't ask me how or why you're reading this.

_Chapter 1 : Nami's Mistake Part A_

* * *

_WHAM!_

Luffy's foe, a suit clad politician collapsed beside his previously fallen demonic parot pet, putting a cease to his disbelieving trembling. Luffy's elongated rubber arm shrank to it's original shape in his socket. His vision and hearing faded.

That had all happened but two days ago, and now that legendary hero rested in a hospital bed wrapped tight as a mummy. Nami sat close by his bed, counting the beli in her purse. The villagers had been courteous enough to agree to postponing all celebration over the end of the island's tyrannical era until their saviors awoke. According to the doctors, her young 'hero' was due to awake today. Merchants of the land had all sorts of goods coming in and everyone was decorating the streets.

The room was silent save for the faint racket of the next rooms viciously loud snores. Zoro had recieved some injuries from the battle as well. Why Nami was here and no one else was was beyond her comprehention. Sanji was usually right behind her every step, Robin was much more of a person watcher than she ever was, Chopper _was_ a doctor after all, and Usopp had a bad habbit of worrying to much, why her?

Sighing, she looked down at the 'hero' again. He looked more like-- heck, he even acted like a toddler. It's hard to believe the things he accomplished, but right now all she could think of was his mistakes. They hadn't really been on the best of terms lately, their budget was tight and Luffy wasn't making much effort to pull in more cash. He was always recklessly throwing himself into every dangerous situation he could find. _This celebration had better end with some contribution... _Nami clicked her purse shut, shifted to the side on her chair and slipped it under her chair. As she turned back up Luffy's wide eyes pierced into her.

"A-Ah!" She fell back with her chair crashing into the floor. "Wh-What the hell are you doing like that and not saying anything?! Geez!!" Noticing her open legged position she quick stepped into a crouching position and hugged her legs to her chest passing Luffy a stubborn, angry, childish look. "Well?!" Luffy stared and blinked.

"That was a great nap." He stretched out his arms and patted a hand over his mouth. "I'm hungry. How's Zoro doing?" Without waiting for Nami to answer, as though he were talking to himself, he anxiously tossed the blankets over him onto the floor and fastened on his straw hat by his bed side, stepping onto the floor and out the door. Nami simply gazed after him, astonished at his cruel and natural nature.

"Wait a minute!" Although Nami stayed in her place, her tone made it sound like she was ready to pounce on Luffy and beat the beli she wanted out of him. Once again, Luffy paused, then continued walking to the next room.

"Ahh, Zoro! You're awake too? Zoro! Zooroo!!"

_What's going on here? Zoro's obviously asleep... is he trying that hard to ignore me...? Just what the hell is going through his head? I don't understand him at all!_

Nami grasped her ongrowing headache as if to reduce it by force. In fact, she did basically stop thinking any conceptual or perceptive thoughts, all that ran through her head right now were ideas on how to beat the living day lights out of her captain.

Springs straining and a small crash were followed by grumbling and shuffling in the next room. No doubt Luffy broke Zoro's bed.

"Just what the hell... do you think you're doing?" Luffy's toothy grin met with one of Zoro's most menacing faces. A rough, grumpy, and in some distant aspect playful hand leeched onto Luffy's face and molded it into odd positions, Luffy's smile giving out.

Gritting her teeth angrily and heating to a boil the navigator crossed her arms and squeezed herself 'til her arms were about as red as her face. _That stupid Zoro spoiling Luffy again... how can they always be so damned happy?!_

"Awah! Zhowo! Shtaop it pweease!"

"A crash from the infirmary! Let's go!" Hurried steps raced to the vacinity from several directions and in seconds villagers were piling in through the windows and doors.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" The entire crowd seemed to roar at once. Such a jumpy place it was... Nami, in too bad of a mood to put up with so much good attention in the right way rubbed her temples and shook her head.

"Nami-swan! Are you alright?!" Just then, as though the situation couldn't have gotten worse, the obnoxious blonde waiter pushed his way through the crowd to Nami's heels. Nami just waved her hand before his face, either at a loss of energy of storing it to kill Luffy. Sanji looked at her a bit puzzled and concerned.

"Ah! Your bed is broken! We're so sorry! We'll get you another one right away!" Men in the background rushed about over such silly smitter-smatter. Luffy could be heard laughing and Zoro repeatedly hitting him over the head. Usopp mumbled about it being more logical to just transfer them to a different room as men took his advice and attempted lifting Zoro and Luffy into the next room. Luffy's stomach seemed to be filled with laughter, like a balloon about to pop, as Zoro smacked away a couple men attempting to court him and walked into the next room on his own, telling the crowd to do whatever with Luffy so long as they kept him out of his room. As Usopp and Chopper remained, Chopper asked Usopp how they could break the bed any way.

Suprisingly enough, through all of this Sanji seemed to be lost in either Nami's eyes or perverted thoughts as he leaned over her. _Some guys just don't take a hint... _Nami stood and brushed her skirt off, trying to evade giving any free shows to the low seated Sanji as she walked haughtily outside after the crowd. "Ja ne."

As she left the premisces Sanji erupted into a flowing wobbly fountain of bright pink hearts. "Ah, Nami-san is so pretty even when she's angry!!"

"Ero-cook." Usopp stared blankly almost hanging his head in shame, sweating in disbelief.

"Really Usopp? How could they? Do you think maybe Luffy was trying to make a new move, or maybe there was a rat, or maybe..."

* * *

I sure like to use the term "what the hell" with these guys... And I really know how to stretch out one dang scene! Sorry this is so uneventful and boring, I'll try to speed up the flow of the next chapter, which will most definately be up super very soon. And although it never happens, I want suggestions to the story, it adds a challenge or some flare. Okay! Take care!

Translations:

San - put it at the end of a name and it makes it into something like, "Mr" or "Ms". Ex: Nami-san Miss Nami.

Sei - Gender.

Ja ne- Later, see ya, bye


	2. Chapter 1 b

**The story thus far:** The Straw Hat Pirates (mainly Luffy and Zoro as usual) saved an island of boneheads by killing off the only intelligent person (doesn't sound much like saving when you put it that way). Nami is furious with her captain due to a lack of money while he ignores her feverishly for reasons unknown...

**Warnings:** I said that the pairings were Zoro x Luffy, Nami x Luffy, and Sanji x Luffy. I don't really like Nami x Luffy, or even Nami for that matter, and I usually have a super hard time writing hentai because I don't like that either, so that relationship is going to be totally hateful, just so y'all know...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters, I own the story. And hopefully one day I'll get some suggestions so I can credit the people who give them to me too. Doesn't it sound fun? Anyone?

_Chapter 1 : Nami's Mistake Part B_

* * *

"Agh! Which bed is the best?!"

"I don't know! Everyone have a look around!"

"I think this bed is the best!"

"I think _this_ bed is the best!!

"How would you know, you haven't even seen my bed!"

"Bring Luffy this way!"

"No, bring him over here!"

"Ahh, I'm getting dizzy..." Luffy's eyes spun in spirals as the flock holding him turned to face each direction a man spoke from. Meanwhile Nami stood in a doorway, her eyes closed, quite unamused by the ridiculas display. She had been tapping her sandal for a while, and now the volume of it's clack could be was well over the crowd's din. The idiotic men's cries died down as all eyes fixated on Nami.

"_Notice_ anything, gentlemen?" Her eyes did not open nor did she look up. The men glanced at one another. A couple bit their lower lips in deep thought, and other scratched their heads, while one just shrugged. Nami sighed.

"Luffy and Zoro. They're awake." She eyed them with a neutral face.

" . . . "

"They're awake!! Everyone!! They're awake!!" Large groups climbed out every entrance they came in, screaming at the top of their lungs as they reached the streets. As for the band holding Luffy, they broke out in indistinguishable cheers and carried Luffy out the front door, Luffy dodging the wall above the door in the nick of time, then cheering wildly himself.

Nami calmly walked after them as countless overjoyed people rushed by her. Behind her another company was dragging a half asleep Zoro along.

"Mr. Roronoa sir, please wake up, you must be awake for your own party!" Shortly after said comment was made the man was hit over the head with Wado's hilt. Luffy turned around, still with his gigantic smile on.

"Zoro! Be nice! They're treating us! Hahaha!" Luffy turned back around and threw his arms up in the air with enthusiasm as more people mushed into the congregation below him. "Yahoo!!"

Zoro sighed and took a minute to collect himself. "Looks like the captain's enjoying himself... suppose I ought to as well. So long as there's grog..." The few men near him backed away making an empty 5 ft radius around Zoro in the flooded streets. _Even though Zoro's walking with his eyes on Luffy he'll some how get lost_, Nami thought.

"Look who's making a big fuss over his beauty sleep, princess Marimo." Sanji started walking beside Zoro, who tensed noticably at the sound of his voice.

"You wanna fight damned love cook?!" The two began wrestling with feet and hands, however that works out. But now hopefully Zoro wouldn't wander off to some alternative universe.

Usopp and Chopper meandered into the bustle, Usopp with his arms behind his head and Chopper trying desperately not to get trampled over. Eventually he permitted himself out of fear to ride Usopp's ankle.

Nami counted. That made everyone. Everyone accept for Robin.

As the entire society seemed to come to a stop at the town square, the mayor opened his mouth to speak.

"Wait!" Nami held up her delicate wrist and a space was cleared before her so she was visible.

"Our historian Robin still isn't here." Everyone began mumbling to one another, and soon they all dispersed in every direction. As people cleared away, Nami walked cooly to Luffy, the rest of the present Straw Hats watching with curiosity.

"Put him down please, I'd like to speak with him." Nami passed Luffy's troop a warm beam, sending them flying off in shades of red. Luffy faced the opposite direction. Nami simply cracked her knuckles in preperation for an ugly scene.

"Well, captain? Are you still going to ignore our deflated budget?"

Luffy stared silently at the reddening sunset.

As Nami raised her fist, Luffy spoke without moving. "We'll get some money."

Nami lowered her fist and smiled an evil smile, disguising her purely furious mood below it. "And? How? Where will you _get_ this money?"

"Dunno." Luffy said, rising to his feet. He walked around Nami to face Usopp. "I'm gonna look for Robin."

"Wait just a damn minute!" Nami's nails sunk deeply into Luffy's shoulders in an attempt to stop him. "This is more important than finding someone every other soul on the island is looking for! Answer me!"

Luffy brushed off Nami's hands with his own. "We'll work it out some how." His straw hat covered his eyes, although his mouth seemed to show he was wearing a solemn expression. With that, he ran off.

* * *

Robin had been found in a bookstore and with her and Luffy the sea of people returned. Now it was night and many came equipped with torches. It was fairly dark, the only lit spot was the stage where the mayor drabbled on about one thing or another concerning their government and other political things.

Although Luffy wasn't _really_ paying attention, he kept his eyes on the stage and screamed in agreement everytime the crowd did, throwing his arm in the air.

Robin was sitting up next to a man with torch reading peacefully.

Nami was going to burst inside, and Sanji was eyeing her from a distance.

Zoro was seemingly deep in sleep propped up against a building cross legged on a barrel.

Usopp and Chopper were conversating the boring hours by.

"Or maybe they got in an arguement or a fight or something-" Chopper stood atop a barrel waving his arms with expression, level only to Usopp's stomach. Usopp looked down in the corner of his eye with his arms crossed.

"Why are you so stuck on this subject Chopper? It's almost kind of creepy. You put Luffy and Zoro together alone in a room together-- of course they're going to break something!"

Zoro's snoring stopped and he looked up with a riled face. "Something you wanna say to me?"

"A-Ah, no, nothing..." Usopp and Chopper both looked in the other direction sweating profusely until Zoro snorted and continued his audible relaxed breathing.

The mayor took a step forward. "And with that, let us honor our guests!"

A bright yellow and red firework ripped through the sky and a couple villagers tossed their torches into an enormous hearth at the center of the square lighting up the area as well as though it were day. The circle of buildings around were lit up and people entered into various buildings. Luffy stretched his arm over to shove around Zoro as twisted his neck around in excitement laughing like a fool.

However, before the fun got very far a shaken boy climbed up on the stage. "Pirates!! Pirates have landed ashore!!"

* * *

Yeah, sorry the pace is still slow. I've discovered that's just my new writing style. Oh well! So, the characters I don't like are Nami and Sanji, and my sister hates Usopp and Chopper with a passion... we'll see if I can stand to make any of their roles really important to the tale, arr! You know, sorry if I make some people OOC. I don't even know what I'm doing here... Hahaha... I'd love reviews, almost no matter how undetailed they are... getting one kind of feels like being hugged. 


	3. Chapter 1 c

Reading other people's work is so discouraging, my writing is just terrible... which might be because I don't even look over after I've written after I've written it the first time, but still... RUMBLE! is just awesome. 3 Man, what kind of idiot am I? I'm way out of my league here...

**The story thus far:** Luffy's saved a town and the celebration is underway, but just as the fun is about to start another pirate crew lands ashore! Will they crash the part or join it? Nami is terribly furious with her captain and trying to choke some money out of him, will she succeed by tonight?

**Warnings:** Unrevised writing with an over-used plot! Get ready for it.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own One Piece or it's characters, just the story.

_Chapter 1 : Nami's Mistake Part C_

* * *

As the boy clambered to the stage all life froze. "Pirates!! Pirates are here!!"

* * *

Things brightened up once again, much to Nami's distaste. Seeing as how she couldn't get through to Luffy she was really hoping some powerful thug would do it for her, but that was not the case. These pirates were an extremely fair playing and friendly bunch. They didn't even really look like pirates. They looked like a dirtied crew of peasants stranded aboard a ship. At least they smelled like pirates.

The straw hats had broken up, Robin was too indulged in her read to leave her seat outside by the hearth, and Usopp seemed to have rottenly shoved Chopper away, so now he was sitting with Robin. A brigade of females attacked Sanji before he could get indoors, and that was that.

The original first four members now bathed in the yellow light and humid company of the local pub. Usopp trying desperately to attract a crowd, continually yelling louder, Zoro having a go at an entire barrel of rum, and amazingly enough Luffy wasn't stuffing himself like a pig just yet. Something else was bothering him.

It seems the local smithies and artisans had teamed together to make two copper, larger than life sized statues, no doubt any one could guess who they were modeled after. Luffy was marveling in the glory of his own image as the men that had crafted them bragged about such and such details.

Nami, as always, was unamused and unimpressed, staring blankly at the piles of wasted effort and materials. _No doubt if they __**were**__ going to pay us, that just came out of our bill... great..._

Finally fed up she closed her eyes and shook her head, rubbing her temples again. An honest looking -but terrible smelling- pirate came up on her side and invited himself to sit next to her, setting down two spilling mugs of beer. "Care for a drink ma'am? You look a bit glum."

A devious idea came over Nami as she wrapped her fingers around the cooled mug's handle. It shivered through her like the chill she got from the frigid cup on her lips. The man watched in awe as she took the whole thing down in four gulps. "Yeah, let's you and me see who can drink more. That would make me feel _so much better_." She passed a wink and licked her lips, getting up to sit closer to the bartender. The now quite eager man tailed straight after her with his tail between his legs.

Soon Nami had the whole crew up against the counter as they all kanpaid away their soberness. One after another men collapsed off their stools like flies, and Nami unmercifully pushed the remainders on until all were unconscious. _What easy pickings..._ Nami smiled to herself as she searched through their garments for their wallets.

As she came to the last man, she slipped on the rum they'd all been spilling on the floor as it had dripped off their chins or been dragged down with their plummeting selves. Landing with her head on his chest, her hand clenched around what it had fallen on, a rather happy bundle of beri. Hearing him grunt a little, she figured it was a delayed reaction to her tripping onto him and shrugged it off. She brought it to her shining eyes in bliss, at least one thing was going right!

Slipping it into her bra she felt the body beneath her tremble a bit. _Crap!! His eyes are open!!_ But odd as it was, his eyes were not on her, but fixated on the darkness behind her. They soon closed again and the man went limp. Nami felt a little paranoid, but decided he didn't realize what was going on, and giggled mischievously to herself, then shoved off the ogre's body.

Her good mood however was spoiled when she averted her gaze to lay on Luffy _still_ drooling over his three dimensional self portrait. Zoro seemed to be deep in sleep, but opened an eye to look at Nami. Neither was truly in a good mood. Zoro was tired of being dragged left and right when all he wanted was some shut eye, but Luffy was intent on trying to force him to gawk at the statues.

Zoro lifted one of his hands, revealing it had been fastened around a bottle of grog. "How about it?" Nami smirked.

"You're on."

* * *

"Another round!" Zoro called merrily as Nami rushed herself to keep up, choking on her drink every now and then.

"Wait, I'm not even done with mine yet!" She turned her head to the swordsman who burst out laughing but stopped himself abruptly.

"You should enjoy your alcohol more." They both reached for the next mug, Zoro in a laid back manner and Nami as though she were trying to win a marathon.

"Baka! You're the one who's drinking it faster than me!" She couldn't help but retort before slugging away the now tasteless foamy substance in her glass.

The drinking had been going on for ages and neither was showing any signs of going out soon, but Nami seemed to be feeling a little tipsy. Well, not a little really, _very_, tipsy.

As Zoro has a tendency to do when drinking, his head _nearly_ came in contact with the wet polished wood of the counter, and Nami _nearly_ jumped up with both arms in the air, until Luffy's elongated arm yanked Zoro away, jogging him awake. Nami's jump was more out of fear than victory by now, and her eyes followed the fray.

Luffy, not even looking at Zoro was puffing angrily at the workers before him. "I want it!"

"We can't do that, we need something to remember you by," "Yeah! You're a legend in these parts now!" "We want our children and their children to revere you," "which is a lot easier with a good image…" "Besides, how would you keep it on your ship?" Each guy piped up when it seemed his turn came, looking to see if the other were going to speak first.

"Nami! Can we pay for it?"

" . . . "

That was about the worst question he could have asked really, and one could tell by the way she tried to march straight toward him despite her awfully drunken state. However, before she could reach him, a cool skinny hand nested on her shoulder.

She looked behind herself about as fast and alarmed as she could be, and met eyes with a rather tanned, weathered man, who wasn't really as pale or weak as his hand. They stood for a moment like that, and Luffy, assuming Nami was busy, shrugged and turned back to the workers to argue once more.

"I don't think it would be wise to harm these simple folk's hero miss..." this man in the end spelled out villain in Nami's mind, despite her currently clouded judgment. "But you know, I have a deal for you. It's quite a catch if you have a minute..."

For some reason Nami felt the need not to speak, but to encourage him onward any way. She simply nodded her head in acknowledgement. She felt as though she was making a deal with the devil, but continued any way out of curiosity or rage.

"Here I have this SeiSeiFruit. No harm will be done to your friend seeing as how he can't swim already, hmm? It's a popular prank with my customers. I am a devil fruit merchant, and although you've saved this town, and we are truly greatful, I'm afraid everything in life comes at a price. 2000 beli. My final offer."

_That's dirt cheap... devil fruit are sacred treasures of the sea…_ Nami was quite the woman shopper and loved a good bargain. She'd even gotten far more than that from looting the suckers back at the counter. Right now, any thing to get back at her captain sounded even a little appetizing, she clasped her small hand in his and shook it roughly as any drunk would. "Yeah, that sounds nice..." he watched idly with a distasteful, lecherous expression as she reached into her bra to extract the cost.

As she held it out, he grabbed more onto her than the money before his hand receded and took the pay. "It's a deal then. You can distract him from his predicament with a bowl of fruit, disguise it, yes? Here." The man reached behind himself and brought forth a platter of apples. Most of them looked waxed, not a common thing in such an era... but like Nami really cared. He set the fruit down in the center, like a cue for Nami to relieve him of the burden, which she did.

Without another word or glance, she walked to Luffy with the platter and unstealthily offered it. "Here Luffy, try some."

Luffy's expression brightened enthusiastically as he reached out to grab it. "Ah, Nami! You're not mad at me anymore?" Without waiting for an answer he looked at the platter and grinned at the food. "You're totally wasted!" Nami just smiled and watched on. Luffy, like a moth to a flame gripped the top fruit of course, it standing out so much. "What kind of fruit is this?" He carelessly stuffed the entire thing in his mouth, gulping it down.

"If you don't know what kind of fruit it is aren't you even going to taste it?" Zoro chided beside him, half asleep.

Luffy stuck his tongue out in disapproval. "It didn't taste very good anyway."

"How would you know, you didn't even bite into it..." Zoro was drifting off into sleep.

Nami's face lit with terror. _What? Why hasn't anything happened? Did I just get conned?!_ She turned to look behind herself frantically for the merchant who was indeed standing where she had left him. He shook his head calmly and looked back to Luffy. Nami assumed he meant to wait for it.

Luffy then grabbed the next fruit smiling like a fool. "Yaay! Apple!" He stuffed the whole thing into his mouth, trying to swallow it whole. It got stuck.

He started to scoff air in through his nose and beat the floor around him in desperation, accidentally slapping Zoro on the cheek, who rose to his knees immediately and punched Luffy over the head until he realized he was choking on something big.

"Ano baka. I told you to chew before you swallow!" Zoro reached out absent mindedly and cupped his hand around Luffy's neck, shoving the apple back up with a mighty squeeze, but he stopped midway in alarm. "S-Something's wrong!" Without continuing to hesitate on wondering what had happened he moved behind Luffy and fastened his arms in a circle around his waist, yanking repeatedly until Luffy coughed out most of the apple, but managed to bite off part as the rest exited his system.

As Luffy swallowed it, his neck slimmed, his hair straightened, his hips expanded, his chest popped and overall he got a little shorter. _He_ was now a _she_.

* * *

And the real story finally begins! Chapter 1 isn't quite over yet though. Beware! The next chapter has sexual harassment, kind of… once I get into the real story I'll start looking over my work and trying to make it better, make them more in character, make the script less corny, throw in the other crew members more… but this will also slow the posting time to maybe weekly or semi-weekly instead of daily.

Yes, I was indeed too lazy to write out the scene of the pirates meeting the mayor and making peace with the island. It was just _too damned boring_ for me. Hahaha. How this is all turning out to be from Nami's point of view is going to change soon. I think. shrugs Sa na. (who knows)

Any reviews please?

kanpai - cheers, what you say as you toast

baka - idiot

sei - gender


End file.
